Luau Dance (5/20/2017)

Finally, another youth dance. I like to say that I enjoy dances, and I really do, but I sometimes leave feeling disappointed and exhausted. Too often I don't step outside my comfort zone; too often I wait for something to happen that "allows" me to have a good time, instead of going out and making it a good time.

It was my 14-year-old brother's first dance, and I wanted him to have a good experience. My mom drove me and 6 other youth 1.5 hours to go to this dance (she's an angel), and when we arrived, I was surprised at how small the venue was. It was one of the smallest gyms I've ever been in, and not that many people were in attendance. I felt the initial pang of regret often associated with entering a dance.

Sulkily, I stood there for like the first hour. Yeah, I laughed with my friends, but I also made excuses to go get food and water, and basically just people-watched the others who seemed to be having a great time. When a slow song came on, one of my guy friends asked me to dance. I appreciated it, but I enjoy dancing with people that I don't know, so that I can make new friends and acquaintances. 

So, when the next slow song was ladies' choice, I eyed a young man in a green t-shirt who was just standing in the corner. Helpful tip: if you don't know who to ask to dance, ask someone who's on the edges, whether in a corner or sitting on the side. They probably want to dance and are not actively "looking" for a specific girl to ask. Plus, you're meeting someone new! This strategy has never failed me. He was very interesting (he lived on a farm) and I thoroughly enjoyed talking to him. 

Still, I was being lame, and just standing there for every dance besides slow songs. When a slow song came on, for the first 20 seconds, I watched my brother dance his first slow song EVER (proud sister moment). Another helpful hint: if you want to dance really bad, and don't get asked, just keep standing there in the middle of a bunch of people-even if you're alone-and keep smiling. Don't walk away and make up an excuse to get food! Stick it out and I guarantee that someone will ask you. Well, I did exactly that and a nice young man asked me to dance. He was amazing-- having just graduated high school (I'm not quite sure why he was at a youth dance), he was a member of the Marines as part of the artillery. He also proudly told me that he could dunk a basketball (while eyeing the rim that was right above us). I was super impressed, and really grateful for the dance. Always, always, ALWAYS tell your dance "Thank you so much!" or "Nice to meet you!" when the slow song ends and you have to break it up. Even if the dance sucked and you found them boring, still express your appreciation. You want to encourage them to get out there and meet new people, just like yourself!

After this, I felt empowered. I wanted to have a good time and, heck, I was going to make it a good time. There's this wonderful young woman in my ward. Sure, she's a little on the crazy side, but she's lovable and is a great example. On the car ride there, I had gotten a little annoyed at her (she didn't want to listen to Justin Bieber. Okay, I don't like him that much either, but the song was a good song. Anyways, super immature and petty of me to get mad at her for that). She was dancing to I've Got the Magic in Me  (here's the link to it, for reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqMZ8TieXfU) and seemed to really know all the moves. Suddenly, I rushed over to her and joined her. Trying my best to mimic her amazing moves, I was laughing and enjoying myself and actually dancing! I never dance (unless you count the cupid shuffle) because I'm embarrassed. But what is there to be embarrassed about? NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. WHO FLIPPIN' CARES WHAT "THEY" THINK? DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. And dancing makes me happy. 

After that, everything changed. The next slow song, I didn't sit around, sulking, waiting for someone to be my prince charming and sweep me off of my feet into a slow song. I walked around for a bit, tapped a guy on the shoulder, and with my best smile, said "Hey, would you like to dance?". He said yes, and again, I had an engaging and fun conversation. Don't over think it! Even if it's not ladies' choice, you can still ask guys! Guess what, they're just as scared as you to ask girls. So, make their life easier and ask someone yourself! If you want to dance, no one is stopping you. Simply put on your best smile (it's the most beautiful thing you can wear), and look for someone who isn't preoccupied. They will not say no. If they do, their loss, not yours! 

The next dance, someone asked me (and we talked about his neighbors' pool almost the entire time). I have a healthy mix of getting asked and asking people. If I just waited for people to ask me, I wouldn't dance every dance. But I want to, so I take the initiative and go ask others.

I found my friend again and we continued dancing together. She'd do a move, and I'd copy, and then vice versa. As I looked at her smiling face, I felt a genuine love and appreciation for her. I had often been annoyed at her in the past, and judged her for her odd personality. But, in that moment, I saw her as a child of God. I saw her as a beautiful young woman with great potential. I saw her as a beacon of light in our dark world. And it was awesome. I danced and danced (a great cardio workout, by the way), not caring what others around me were thinking. They didn't care what I did - they were too worried about themselves.

Finally, we had two slow songs to end the night. I was surprised when a tall and handsome young man asked me. When dancing, have a bunch of questions in your mind. Don't let the guy ask all the questions! Talk more about them than about you-- it will make them feel better and more appreciated. Let the conversation flow naturally. And, whatever you do, don't stop talking! Here's my typical list of questions that I go through:

• What's your name?
• How old are you? / What grade are you in?
• What stake are you from? / What ward are you from?
• How long did it take you to drive here?
• Do you play any sports?
• What are your favorite (NBA/NFL/MLB) teams?
• What are your other hobbies that you enjoy?
• How many siblings do you have?
• Are you the oldest, youngest, or in the middle?
• What's your favorite place to go out to eat?
• etc.

If you ask all of these (and end up answering them yourself), I guarantee that you will find conversation enough to last you through the 3-minute dance.

For the very last dance of the night, nobody asked me for a while, so I found a random group of boys, tapped one on the shoulder, and proceeded to dance with him. He was a seventh grader! WHAT? He looked at least my age, and didn't have the aura of awkwardness that often accompanies middle schoolers. I told him, "Hey, but you're taller than me, so it's okay, right?" (I like to consider myself funny sometimes). He told me that he'd been to the lake that day for a friends' birthday party, and I asked, "Awesome, so did you like rent a boat or something?" He paused for a second, and sheepishly replied "Well, he owns a boat." Instead of making it awkward (by saying "Oh." and changing the subject), I laughed and remarked, "Wow! That's so cool! Where can I find this friend?" Just try to make your dance partner as comfortable as possible. Laugh often, make jokes, smile, and be yourself! Be honest, be kind, and be brave. You've got this!

At the conclusion of the dance, I left feeling satisfied. I think this is probably only the 2nd dance where I've left feeling this way. It was a great experience and one that I'll call back on and remember for many years. I learned so many things not only about myself but about others. I met new people and enjoyed their company. I felt the spirit and I felt love for everyone who was there. Instead of letting the night make me, I made the night. 

And you can do it, too.